I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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