hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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