matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
