You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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