Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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