Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
