Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
