Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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