.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
