yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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