I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
id be glad to
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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