if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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