I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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