sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
