Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
