party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
