Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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