Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
