Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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