Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
