you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
