u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
