remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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