um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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