thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
