And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
