I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my poor anus
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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