she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
