it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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