They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
