She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
