question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
40s are totally the cure
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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