He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
