Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
