so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
