do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
