I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
