I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
