the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
