everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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