He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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