Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I die, sorry about rent.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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