i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My balls are so social today.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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