don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
