question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
