I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
