that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
