meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
