So drunk its hurt
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
