____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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