Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
