I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
